How to make your split as smooth as possible

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Divorce can be a very emotionally distressing time. Even in the most amicable of splits, there are legal matters such as finances and child care arrangements to organise.  The new laws introduced in April 2022 have gone some way in making divorcing a smoother route for couples, and you can find out more about how these work in this no-fault divorce guide. In the meantime, we have put together some straightforward tips on how you can achieve a more aimable split from your former spouse.  

Communication 

A lack of communication can be the source of many a conflict, not just in divorces. Misunderstandings and poor communication, coupled with feelings of grief, anger and upset can be big barriers to a smooth divorce. Remember, that as time passes, initial strong feelings will probably lessen and you should frame your divorce not as a ‘fight’ but as a resolvable situation. Effective communication with your former wife or husband is key. If your partner is unwilling to communicate with you, or if the nature of your divorce involved abuse or violence, direct communication is not always possible. When discussing necessary matters, you should prepare for the talk with a clear mind and a calm approach. Sometimes, communication on email or over the phone can ensure that a discussion is not escalated. 

Mediation 

Mediation is a process often used during divorce proceedings. Not to be confused with a form of relationship counselling, it involves a third person who mediates between you and your partner to reach a resolution on issues including child care, the division of assets and property. According to research, the vast majority of disputes reach a final resolution through mediation. The length of time it takes for mediation depends on the complexity of your divorce and the issues involved. In some cases, a resolution can be reached in a matter of hours, while others can take months. Either way, it is often a quicker and less costly route than going through the Court system, and paves the way for a smoother split. 

Helping your children through a divorce 

Children can be adversely affected by divorce, whether they are toddlers, primary school aged children or teenagers.  However, there are steps you can take to minimise the impact. Firstly, if you think conversations with your former spouse could lead to conflict, then take them away from the children. Throughout the process, you should also let your children know they can talk to you about anything they might be worried about. Big changes like moving schools or houses can be difficult for children. Talk to them ahead of any significant events that will affect their everyday lives to help them prepare. Uncertainty about when they might see their other parent again can also cause anxiety for children experiencing divorce. Communicate effectively on how and when they will be seeing their other parent to make your child feel secure and informed. 

Seeking professional help 

Finally, speaking to a professional counsellor or psychologist can help you navigate a smoother divorce. The right professional will offer you space to express your thoughts and feelings, help you manage difficult emotions, and plan a positive future. Your children may also benefit from counselling during the divorce too, altogether contributing to a more harmonious process. 

Conclusion 

The key takeaway for a smoother divorce is communication, whether that’s through mediation, therapy or direct contact with your ex-spouse. Some divorces can be complex and difficult meaning that communication can be a challenge, so it’s important to go into the process with a realistic yet open mindset. 

–ENDS–